maybe i wasn't fully prepared for the interview. but i did prepare the previous night and also whenever the interview came across my mind. i would take time to think about the possible questions n how to answer them, even when i was walking somewhere outside by myself. I did pray and put in my best effort. I really felt kinda hurt when I heard that I didn't prepare well and was opportunistic?-Exploiting chances offered by immediate circumstances without reference to moral principle.
maybe i really am not prepared. maybe i just didn't have the heart to pursue for this job. but i thought i felt i really wanted this job...maybe it could be cus i find interviews very intimidating and troublesome i couldnt take it anymore. maybe God wans to put me to test by giving me rejections n interviews. i feel so restless in my state of mind to care about myself. to pack my super messy room where i always trip on things or step onto something when i wake up. to pack my bag for my trip next monday. to focus on QT n have my heart open up wide enough for God to speak to me. to look forward to the outings with my friends when they told me they are so looking forward to see me. I just can't bring myself to feel the way i wanted. there is no sense of excitement in me.
i was saying i believe that God has better things for me if i cant get through this time. By saying this i was merely comforting myself. but i was portrayed as opportunistic and perhaps overly optimistic. since i can't be optimistic from within myself, i thought by showing optimism on the outside an perhaps help to heal my inner. It was true to some extent.God comfort me in my sleep.
I think blogging has been a faithful avenue for me to type out all the disgusting n emo thoughts within me. i guess its better this way than to vomit to one or two persons via whatsapp. i lose faith in friendships as a comfortable platform to voice out whenever i feel down. I thought i may be irritable. oh man this sounds like me in the past. lowly confidence.
No comments:
Post a Comment