When things really happened...

then I realised the vulnerable side of me, then I realised how hard it was to grapple with my emotions. Inside me just felt so terrible, although to many others this really seemed like its a small thing. I know I have trouble managing my emotions, but I am strong in the way I face up to situations in the sense that I will not run away to escape.

I hit a car today. I was driving rounds in the small little lanes along the shophouses opposite our church to look for a carpark lot for my REACH lunch, I was looking on the right for incoming traffic on the main road, I saw that the coast was clear, so I stepped my accelerator, BAM. I didn't take notice of the car that was still stationary in front of me. I was in shocked for a couple of seconds, and I calmly got out of the car to exchange details, take photos etc.. I apologized and we drove off. I didn't want to turn back in anymore, I decided to go to concourse car park. I stopped in one of the lots, and I realised I couldn't hold my emotions together. I need to report this incident to the centre as well. I skipped the lunch. I couldn't bring myself to go in my state of mind. Called my uncle who is my insurer, whatsapp my family n told them about it. Advised to settle the matter privately and compensate him with my own money instead of claiming insurance. Because the damage done wasn't bad enough or worth it to claim the insurance, and by claiming i will only have to pay for even more in insurance forever after this year. Thank God this guy is very friendly, didn't show any temper on me, otherwise I think I will be traumatised even more. Really grateful in these little comforting things that God has given me. My family was very supportive in actions, parents helped me search for insurance certificate, brother helped me to talk to my uncle to discuss how it should be done and look on the net for info. Inside me, I felt afraid to face them. Cus I knew if I were to see them face to face, they will blame me for being reckless continuously. which was true. Mom did nag at me for being reckless, but thank God I seemed to be able to feel 'okay', I didn't feel like crying etc. Another comforting surprise when Pastor Jeff spoke to me on the phone to ask if I'm okay and advised me not to get cheated etc.. lol really thankful for his heart to care for his people in church, though he didn't know me personally :) its also comforting to have someone close to accompany me to report and gave me some food to eat..lol :)

Things aren't finished. I still have to go down and pay for the repairs when they are done. goto look for a decent workshop that opens on sunday. need to sign an agreement to state that he will not claim insurance from my insurer. I will face it, and I will face it strong with God alongside supporting me.

I guess some things that happen in people's lives may seem to be minor, probably cus they have been through much worse and much more. and when I think about it, this is indeed a small matter (I guess), and since I didn't meet such things this magnitude before, I guess I tend to feel less strong. I'm sure God will put me through even more such tests and situations in my life in the time to come to build me up, and I will be ready to face it one by one, God will always be in control of every situation of my life.